What is Sexual Grooming?
Sexual grooming is a methodical process in which a perpetrator manipulates a person to the point where they can be victimized. Essentially, grooming involves behaviors a predator uses in preparation for committing sexual abuse. These behaviors not only aim to manipulate the intended victim but the loved ones surrounding them as well. While circumstances vary, in all cases of sexual grooming the victim is never at fault.
Who is Susceptible?
First, it is important to understand that grooming can happen to anyone at any age and all cases must be taken seriously. That being said, some factors make one more susceptible to grooming than others. Here are just three examples of people vulnerable to sexual grooming:
- ✿ Children/minors are at a higher risk, in fact, half of those who abuse children use grooming behaviors
- ✿ People who are gullible (very trusting) and insecure (low self-esteem/confidence)
- ✿ Members of certain religious groups/organizations
Types of Grooming
- ✿ Someone can be groomed online or in-person
- ✿ Someone can be groomed by a stranger or someone they know, Ex: Family member, friend, teacher, faith group leader, coach, employer, etc.
- ✿ Relationships a groomer can build: Romantic relationship, Mentor, Authority figure, Dominant/persistent figure
Common Stages in Grooming
- ✿ Victim selection
- ✿ Gaining Access: Offender separates victim emotionally/physically from others, (Specific to child sexual abuse) Half of family abuse cases take place in the child’s bedroom after everyone is asleep, predators take positions in communities where being in contact w/ a minor does not spark suspicion
- ✿ Trust Development: Abuser works to gain the trust of victim/victim’s family or friends, Abuser gives small gifts, special attention, or shares secrets in order to make the victim feel special,
- ✿ Desensitization to touch: Generally the last stage before the actual abuse begins, Abuser increases nonsexual touching to “prepare” the victim
- ✿ Sexual Abuse: The sexual grooming techniques confuse the victim, Abuser may use threats/coercion once abuse starts so the victim does not report them, Abuser can gaslight the victim (tell them their feelings are unreasonable and crazy)
What are “Flying Monkeys”
- ✿ An abuser may use others outside of the relationship w/ victim to inflict further harm or convince them to stay w/ the abuser
- ✿ Most often the “flying monkeys” have no idea they are being used to groom someone
- ✿ Used to dismiss victim’s concerns
Signs of Grooming (these are not always obvious)
- ✿ Being secretive about how they are spending their time
- ✿ Having an older boyfriend or girlfriend
- ✿ Having new things (clothes, mobile phones, etc) they can’t or won’t explain
- ✿ Underage drinking or drug abuse
- ✿ Spending more or less time on mobile devices
- ✿ Being upset or withdrawn
- ✿ Sexualized behavior (language or an understanding of sex that’s not appropriate for their age)
- ✿ Spending less time at home or going missing for periods of times
What to do if you believe someone you know is being groomed?
- ✿ Take steps to eliminate or limit their interaction with the person
- ✿ Ask them about their relationship keeping an open conversation free of judgment
- ✿ Remind them you are there for them no matter what
- ✿ Be patient as they may get mad at you for trying to take them away from the groomer
- ✿ Visit Stop it Now
If someone reveals they have been/are being groomed
- ✿ Listen carefully
- ✿ Let them know they did the right thing by telling you
- ✿ Make sure they know it is not their fault
- ✿ Take them seriously
- ✿ Ask them how they want to be supported. They might not always know, but by asking you might gain some direction about how to care for them.
- ✿ Do not confront the alleged abuser
- ✿ Explain what you will do next
- ✿ If it is a child, immediately report what they have told you and if it is an adult help talk them through their options and make sure they know they can count on you to help them report the abuser
- ✿ Help find them support groups, therapy, hotlines, etc.
Effects of Grooming
- ✿ Anxiety
- ✿ Depression
- ✿ PTSD
- ✿ Self-harm
- ✿ STIs
- ✿ Feelings of guilt/shame
- ✿ Relationship problems
- ✿ Eating disorders
- ✿ Difficulty coping w/ stress
- ✿ Suicidal thoughts
- ✿ Drug/alcohol problems
Sources: Psychology Today, What is Child Abuse, Women Against Crime, Allure
